Our society has taught us to think about depression in a certain way. We have ‘drugs’ that will make you better… Or will they? In my experience the drugs never really make anyone permanently better. Nor have I ever seen a human being who was a better version of themselves because they took some antidepressants.
Sure, many people cope better. And that the immediate benefits of taking some drugs can produce a more desirable way of life compared to their previous way of living. But do you really think that if you take a drug it will help you to understand anything that has been affecting you at a deeper level? Do you really think you are going to get some epiphany and see things with greater clarity? These drugs can be useful as a short term intervention, but they often become a crutch and make it harder for people to come off them. You become reliant on some external chemical and without it feel stuck. Not to mention the side effects. But even if your on them and have been on them for decades, I have helped many people, who have then went back to the doctor and begun to come off them. First we need to let go and resolve a few things and work on some strategies towards being happy and well.
It’s a funny question to ask – but are you actually ready to get better? I have seen the difference between my clients who respond really well and have powerful transformations; by that I mean - they start really enjoying life again. They learnt to understand why they went down the path of sadness in the first place and how going down this painful path was in fact what they needed to experience – to enable them to grow. These clients make changes in life – because there is no longer the the fear controlling them into paralysis of thinking and taking no actions, without the negative feedback loop of thoughts in their heads, and constant negative self talk. Without the beating themselves up BUT WITH a positive vision of the future and WITH trust in their own abilities, and, most of all, WITH a strong sense of determination that they too can be happy, for no reason.
But it never starts like this for them. To get that transformation they first had to learn and discover themselves and understand how the nervous system adapts to life’s stresses and then discover what works well in their life and what does not. This process usually surprises people because they find more than they think. Often we think that there is very little that does work in life. Perhaps we have no hope – we see no light at the end of the tunnel. But all we need is a glimpse; remember just a tiny hole in a balloon and all the air will deflate, so something small can become a great big thing in your life.
What you probably don’t realise is how much energy it takes to be depressed – THAT’S why you always feel like you have no energy. People say having depression gives people low energy, but the truth is, it takes a lot of energy to be depressed. This is one of the first bits of unlearning to do.
And on that note – what about the people who don’t want to unlearn? I have a few clients who boast about how bad their depression is, they study depression in detail, they constantly learn about it, talk about it and some people place it on a pedestal. They know all the science and all the theory, and they are soo busy researching it and arguing why hey have it, then actually putting that effort into being happy.
What a waste of effort.
I don’t mind if someone agrees with me or my theories or doesn't, it’s not important – what is important is that they get well. Some people will sadly stay stuck... You see their intention was to defend why they feel this way. They were defending the right to be and stay depressed. In effect they were holding onto it without realising it yet – on some level they were still choosing to be depressed cause that is what they have known for so long! *
Every moment is a new opportunity to shift things, and the key is often in shifting things really slowly and steadily - but in such a way as it propels you in the direction that will make living life more enjoyable. -
But first you have to want this. So do you want to be well?
We are hard wired to become sad, upset, angry, agitated and also all the other negative emotions that we feel. But why do we feel these negative emotions – what is their purpose?
People have been telling you for so long that you need to stop feeling sad, or that this state is wrong. And as soon as you accept the purpose for being sad, you can then move onwards.
Symptoms are your body's way of telling you to listen to what’s going on, for you to realise that something is not right (hardly ever is it a chemical imbalance), and because something is not right, you have to figure it out, and take action. And do things differently. Then, and only then, can the symptom disappear.
But if we just remove the symptom – by taking a drug or covering it up - we will never unlock the message, and so the messenger sticks around. So this terrible feeling hangs around AND THEN we begin the downward spiral. At this point we create ‘stories’ about our experience. Why we are broken? What’s wrong with us? How we are perhaps worthless, and so much more. By doing this we strengthen the downward spiral, and, as a result, we keep getting feelings that make us sad… They are suppose to, because within the feelings and thoughts contain the wisdom for your life of greater happiness. But very few people can see this wisdom, including many doctors, psychologists and therapists. Because they are too busy trying to fix you – so often they don’t see outside of what they have learnt to see at university. But some great ones do, and they can truly help you.
If you don't resonate with your care or your provider find one you do :)
I hope to meet you soon. And help you to a happier future.
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